Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like eating out sand paper
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
