foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
