I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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