so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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