i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
