no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
