She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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