Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
