Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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