God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
