i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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