you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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