I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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