in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
