I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
