I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
