she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
