I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
