Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
