Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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