that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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