He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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