Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
