What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
