just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
