shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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