Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
