oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
