she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
