we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
