I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
