New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
