Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
