Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
