Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
