I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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