ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
