I wish I only lived at night.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Man, jail baloney is awful.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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