I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
