Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
