they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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