Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
