dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She bit a glass in half.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
