u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize