even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
