'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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