i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
