yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
