So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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