when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
