I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
