dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
