I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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