Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
