oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
