i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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