let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
