I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
