Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
two words...techno handjob
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize