# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize