I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
