We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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