not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize