I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
