I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
