I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
