after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
