woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
