I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
