The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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