who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
